Monday, October 10, 2011

First Chapter of my Book

This is the first chapter of my book. Please leave comments on it.

Prelude

There I am at a great summer program that will land me at a great college. I spend with my newly met friend how is also attending. I live up that last of my increasingly short carefree childhood before I take on life’s adventure. There is something reserved about my new friend. Almost as if she is watching and calculating us, fingering the small iron key on her necklaces. The key, bent in one are but straightened out and hid over do not bother me for we are all teens and we are acquired and must be reserved and calculating to make in to the mysteries of college and beyond.


Chapter 1 – The Chance

“I will Study and get ready, and perhaps my chance will come”
- by Abraham Lincoln

Here I am, Michael Stultus Animus, I exit my plane at Washington DC. Their I am everything I on is on the duffel bag at my side or on the one box at the college I will go to next week.


I walk the streets of our capital until I reach the cheap motel my parents got me until I leave for my new life. I then am forced by boredom to walk the streets. I desperately search to find something I can grasp onto that is familiar to me. I stop at the woods one of the small state parks that dot the capital, or so I see on my map. It reminds of the small forest that surrounds Houston.


As I head into the woods for some time to myself when a scream shatters the cool evening air. I another thing familiar, the girl I meet on the summer program, Sarah. It stoned me that she would be out in the woods, since she was from New York City. More stunning was the 7 foot; pig faced; bald headed; evil eyed; muscle bound; … Well you get the picture that was attacking her. She was fighting valiantly but ineffectively with her petite 5 foot 2 inches body.


I hear over her yelling the sound of the man deep voice saying, ”Just calm down … “ grunting from a good hit he pauses to swing back and backhand her to the ground.


“We just want to ask you some questions.” He resumed, huffing with the exertion of the scuffle.


Without sparring a second more to think, my tall but lanky 6 foot body shot out toward him. Even though 160 pounds doesn’t sound like a lot pack behind it the testosterone pumping male teenage body and it does damage. I slammed him into the tree knocking him up, hopefully, for a while.


Not so much as stopping for a thank you Sarah scrambled to her feet and shot through the woods, like a bat out of hell. Brian kicking in, hoping for a thank you (or a kiss) sprinted right behind her. Although with her adrenaline pumping like a life or death fight can only get it, pulled her away from me.


She burst back into the city and quickly wound her way through the crowed streets.. As she pulled around a corner into a uncrowded alley, I feared I would lose her. I leapt around the corner to ram street into a wall of meat.


Being flung back, I see a flash of light as the man punches me sending me sprawling on the ground were my head throbs horribly. I look around groggily and see Sarah on the ground behind the man how had just assaulted me. After attempting to struggling to my feet and failing I fall back and let the darkness fade in.


Through the haze I hear the voice of the mysterious man before say, “Take him too, the little bugger broke my noise”. Smiling at least doing something I faded into unconsciousness.

2 comments:

  1. You definitely need to fix your grammar errors because they make the story very difficult to read. I strongly suggest you revise the term “knocking him up”. This sound pretty bad, and I think you mean to say “knocking him down”. Also, provide some more background information on the other characters before you bring them into the action, for instance, I have no idea who “Brian” is and how he came upon the scene of the scuffle. I’m glad you decided to share a story on the blog since it adds variety to doing these blog posts and comments. One of my more favorite forms of composition is fictional stories; however, I have not written one in a very long time. I hope you get a chance to finish your book and continue to post the chapters on the blog. I look forward to being able to read them and providing my comments on them. (ENGL 106)

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  2. Thank you for your comments. You right about the grammar that has never been a strong suit for me. I never even the “knocking up” part but that’s pretty funny. You are also not suppose to know much about brain. I want the reader be just as in the dark as the main character.

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